I will be the first person to admit that if I was born in the United States of America I would by now have been diagnosed with the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) syndrome because I am not only a detailed-freak but am I can also be a perfectionist! Oh my gosh this reminds me of us growing up as a 4th born in a family of 8 kids, how much I used to fight with my kid brother Samuel when he would come home from primary school and just carelessly dump (if not throw) his dirty school bag into our living room couches and needless to say how much this used to “tick me” off! I mean the thought of him just dumping his dirty bag into the sofa set (as we used to call them then) used to get the better part of me….let alone seeing him do it. I remember the “cat fights” that used to be in that house before our late sweet mother Nduta would come home from her regular evening church prayers only to find us up-and arms with each other! She would just quietly watch us fight and then walk into the house and her stare was good enough to set us both into a peacemaking -building bridge initiative (bbi) mode….or else the “spanking” that would follow after supper was close to World War II and when dad came home late the same night he would still beat the crap out of us again – once mom reported it upon dad’s arrival. The more I grow older I have come to realize that my perfectionism growing up was both a strength but it also served as a weakness in certain areas. My thinking then was that if my brother Samuel (who is now a cleaner freak than I am and an all grown well season electrical engineer and married with such a cute lovely family) could understand me then was that the way you do the smallest things (such as neatly storing his school bag) said a lot about the way he will do the bigger things!
Needless to say that today Samuel and I are sweetest best of friends but my past relationship with this particular sweet brother of mine always reminded me of a popular saying by Timi Nadela that says “Don’t be afraid to shine,the world needs your light.” By becoming the very best version of yourself means that you are going to move away from where you are, so you must be willing to shred your old self. When you raise your own bar high, you essentially create a gap between you and people around you. The good bible tells me that to all of us God has given us our own “kind of light” which he granted each of us free of charge. So when we allow ourselves to settle for less or even worse when those guilt feelings kick in they dim our God given natural light. Instead of dimming our lights to make others feel more comfortable like my brother Samuel then, we should simply just continue to “shine our shine” and foster the rise of the vibrations of those around us. Being happy and feeling good does not always mean that you have no compassion for the misery of those around you. It simply means you won’t dim your light nor settle for less just to make those around you feel comfortable – instead, you’re going to help them light their paths using your brighter light. And yes at first, your light may be a bit too bright for others and it may hurt their eyes, yet it’s far better to shine rather than to hide your light. When you hide your lit candle for too long what happens? The candle’s light extinguishes and you slip right back into blackout pitch black darkness…unable to find your way until someone “shiny” comes along to light your way and help you to find the light you still possess within which is your soul’s magnificence. I know this is not always very easy to do but I strongly believe and urge us all to boldly learn to shine your God-given light all the way because life indeed is too short to live dull-dimmed regretful life as a “people-pleaser”; the way social media digital boom is teaching many of our millenials to do. From my personal experience, what has helped me to keep my light bright is by first being intentional about filling my heart with joy, peace, unconditional love, awesome real life experiences, things that am passionate about which tickles my fantasy and my interests (such as fun travelling with family,mentoring youths and my love for mother nature-organic gardening) with positive inspirations available to me in my universe.
Here are few things you can do daily to be the “Best version of You” eliminating toxic clap out of your life:-
- Practice gratitude attitude – This is one of my favorite routine that I have been practicing for years. Every morning when i wake up when I am taking my nice “wake me up” hot shower i verbally count at least 5 things that am grateful about for that very day and top of that list is always life by itself, good health that I have enjoyed for all these few decades I have existed in this planet (by the way I have never had surgery and I always verbally remind my maker that I do not take it lightly nor for granted) I count the majestic beauty that God has blessed me with( honestly you will all agree I am indeed very beautiful but wait till you meet my gorgeous sisters and brothers…it’s true generally our family my dad and late mother Nduta were super blessed with some of the most beautiful genes the world had to offer and I tend to think that God for sure took his extra sweet time to create our sweet family of 8 (true story)…but the most important things that I pray to God for is that he has use our beauty to glorify himself in all we do. I can go on and on about my daily long gratitude list such as the unconditional family love that am so blessed to enjoy in my life. I think by now you get the point the whole idea behind daily practicing gratitude is that you when you have a grateful heart, you naturally tend to “spark and attract” the universe to act to your favor to bring more things into your life that you are grateful for (this is the exact opposite for the nagging complainers who always see and have their “glass forever half empty”. Gratitude makes you feel much happier as a person and keeps your light shining brighter. Over the years I have perfected this gratitude ritual so much that in January 2018, my friend Rachel Ray challenged us to keep a “Gratitude jar” which at first I was quite hesitant to do –I thought to myself “I already have a tight crazy busy schedule” But guess what? We have come to absolutely love it. So daily in the evening in our dining table before we do our dinner prayers, we each write 5 things in the “yellow sticky post-it notes” on what we are grateful about and then we put these yellow notes inside the gratitude jar. The sweetest thing about writing down and savings these gratitude yellow shiny post-it notes is that anytime we are feeling down or a bit stuck in something, we just pull out one of the post-it notes and read it aloud to each other. In our house we call this gratitude jar “the magic jar of awesomeness”. We have one sitting in the kitchen downstairs right next to microwave and I have a tiny one sitting upstairs inside my makeup dresser. Try it folks and by the way you don’t need to buy these jars, come on guys just be like us be creative…improvise those biscuits, cookie or soap jars that is what we have been using. When our daughter Princess Amani turns 6 years we plan to have her keep her own gratitude jar which is dated…and of course we hope that we shall be top in her daily gratitude list…oh yes very funny but it’s every parents dream, wont you parents agree?
- Never allow anger to consume your time any day? A joke is told how in America people simply just cut you off on the road and then instead of being apologetic about it, they top up your escalating anger by either “giving you the middle finger signal” or curse you out with the “f-word”. Trust you me as person who learnt driving myself the hardest way in America –as I walked into a show room bought my first purple Ford probe sports car and there was no one to drive it home for me and mind you that morning i was heading to work for my then 3 pm shift. Let’s just say that it’s by God’s mercies and miracle that I somewhat made it to work and home sweating furiously but alive … other drivers were honking and cursing my slow driving pace not knowing i was as frightened driving for the first time as hell. And hey my home country Kenya is no better in this road rage arena, you need full grace to drive due to some of the notorious bus and “matatu” drivers on the roads. By the way when I relocated back home I was so traumatized to self drive in Kenya that at first I even thought I was sick. But hey after a few months of taking taxis and knowing that I am not the most patient person, I had no choice but to learn to drive myself. Of course, we are human beings and it’s inevitable that we often feel angry from time to time, but we don’t have to let it control us and our emotions. I kid you not guys, working through my lack of patience, my unapologetic hate for mediocrity, my anger towards corruption which continues to rob millions of resources to innocent people, lifes, and my circumstances was one of the toughest things I have had to deal with but it has been the most beneficial to me. Taking the life transforming 10 weeks Mizizi Course in 2019 (Thanks to Mavuno Church visionaries) helped me a great deal to unlearn some of my impatient escapades and I also had to deliberately self-teach how to take deep breaths which has worked for me-saving me negative energy that I absolutely do not need in my life. Please try it too and hope you find this helpful, thank me later. I look back and laugh because people that I might have yelled at in my past “impatient” life when they meet me nowadays they wonder “who are you and what changed about you?”, Goodness me I recall this one episode after receiving the most horrible don’t care customer service for over 5 years in one of local oldest banks while I was I lived in the Diaspora, one time when I showed up in person in their head office in Nairobi with my sweet brother Jay…I almost closed the entire branch. You know at that time, I could not understand how a customer writes a transactional email request and it would take a whole bank 60+ days to respond and mind you they only responded only after you have sent over 10 email reminders and used up over $100 on International calls which you would go to a switchboard then you patiently wait to be transferred to those “ghost workers” which used to really get the best of “my zero-patience” then boiling. I thank God for his grace that I am a changed person- very peaceful and more patient with others indeed. So take it from me folks, never allow yourself to get angry at any given day, It’s not only dims you light but it also produces bad hormones that are toxic to your health! And guess what nowadays when a rude arrogant drivers cuts me on the road, i just roll up my window down and illuminate most gorgeous killer-smile (which would never happened in a million years before) and most often the offender always respond with such a guilty apologetic facial expression and life goes on…nothing ticks me off.
- Build a “feel good” crew around you and spend quality time with those that matter most to you! For me top of this list is obviously my loving family, our baby (the one and only sweetest preciously adorable soul -Princess Amani who totally gets it) and our close family friends who not only challenge me, lift me up and inspire me to live my best life now. Here I want to urge you all to run away if not flee from toxic negative people in your life with zero apologies! Nobody got time for that? Why waste your precious time with such “poison ivy” producing people, get unnecessary toxicity out of your life! Surround yourself with people that bring the absolute best out of you,who challenge you using constructive criticism and who help you keep shining your light even brighter.
- Practice Essentialism and Prioritize: if you don’t prioritize your life somebody else and something else will creeps in like weeds in your green garden and your life becomes so meaningless. You become so frustrated, unfulfilled and less motivated. Start your day by writing down the 3 most important things you have to do for the day that will make the largest impact in what you do. Personally I prefer to actually take a piece of paper and write down because somehow whatever i personally write down is my personal commitment to get it done, if I don’t write it down you can be a 100% sure that it won’t get done (true story). Yes I know I am very digital, innovative and I am also an early adopter to all things technology but this writing down ritual i guess it’s just how my brain is specially wired and since it works for me I am not about to change this good habit. Writing down in the morning and checking off the 3 things accomplished that day for me visually and physically helps me to “cut out the noise” and the many demanding competing forces that compete for my very limited time during the day and it helps me to prioritize what actually needs and what gets my attention and what does not. I am also a firm believer in empowering those around and below me to effectively and efficiently do what is needed even in my absence especially those who report to me such that I do not have to attend every single meeting…I believe there is no monopoly of knowledge and sharing is indeed caring. Micromanaging can never be my portion and I believe delegating non-decision making tasks is essential if you want to enjoy essentialism and abundance as there is enough work for everyone. I apply the same skill in our house, my house manager (nanny) does not have to call me every day to ask me what she has to cook in the dinner menu…we have empowered enough to make those decisions herself. For those of you who know my calling in mentorship that I practice the same theory and one of the requirement for me to mentor anyone especially the Youths is that once they benefit from my mentorship I expect them to go back to wherever school, village or country they come and in return mentor someone one else at bear minimum….this is what life is all about- just pass on the knowledge so there is enough abundance in the world.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff and keep your eyes on the ball,don’t loose the bigger picture simply put when life throws lemons at you and you run into tough rough situations, often times it will seem like a disaster, instead of panicking, ask yourself, will this matter in the next 10 days? 10 months? 10 years? Chances are it wont, so quit wasting your precious energy in time wasting stuff which not only dims your light but adds no value to your life!
- Don’t get stuck on a bad yesterday? I can tell you for free that you will not shine your shine or be a better person today if you are stuck on your bad yesterday. Dwelling on a bad yesterday only makes your today equally bad as well. The sum total produces two bad days in a row —a bad yesterday and a bad today, and a bad today would be a bad yesterday the next day for sure. So for me I try to forget and forgive nasty demeaning remarks made by a selfish boss full of ego, a jealous colleague, a mean neighbor, or even my spouse. I also stopped regretting mistakes I might have made to help me move on. I have learnt over the years to stop thinking of time wasted in past bad toxic relationships since I realized that thinking about them now wastes my time today and drives negative emotions so i urge you too to let go any past resentments.
- Be a student for life – purpose to learn something new every day even if it’s something as small as a new habit (wink wink yes a new habit), a new words in a different language, a new life skill or new insights to something you have been doing. As an investment banker as seasoned as I am I am always reading widely of world trends and checking in on what my fellow bankers are doing differently, what new trends are coming up. I am very open mind to learn and improve. Push yourself to grow every single day folks and bring others along with you as you grow. For example, tonight I was e-mentoring some unemployed Kenyan youths and I got to learn so many things in return from the questions they asked, needs arising from unemployment space. My cohost Mr SK Blue being a very seasoned madly gifted creative, TV Producer who is also a serial entrepreneur – i learned so much about the entertainment industry…i remember writing my notes fast and furious. The thing thing that hinders us many of you from learning and bettering your lifes daily is your big ego, know-it-all- mentality,pride and lack of humility which you must tame first or unlearn and replace them with a new skill! If you improved just a little bit every single day, think of how that effect compounds over even a year? When you stop learning, you not only “slowly kill your brain cells” but you actually stop shining your shine making life so boring- not exciting as its meant to be. Currently am learning how to skip the rope and play soccer -thanks to our 5 year old daughter who am teaching how to do it so I have got no choice but to learn (though as many of you know i am big American Football fanatic- New England Patriots is my die-heart team) and we have so much fun goofing around every day practicing soccer(yes not football).
- Work out daily and get enough sleep– It’s scientifically proven that nothing fires up the brains like play and exercise. It is healthy, keeps us fresh, innovative, and makes us more receptive to untested creative unique ideas. Find a fun sport or an exercise routine that tickles your fantasy. I know for me I mostly prefer working out in the evening especially that nice relaxing run or jog under the moon and yes the stars shining bright up in the sky. It’s so therapeutic and you get to catch up with your inner self,meditate,count your blessings and wind down your forever busy body systems especially if you are a high energy person like me…this works magic for me. I aim to run 3-5 miles a day followed by circuit training but am obviously not perfect, but on the days that I do it,its an awesome feeling like a baby super rejuvenated. Before Corona Virus pandemic I used to religiously go for an hour of Zumba classes every Thursday evening, and since I love dancing so much this has a way of just bringing out my happy hormones out of me in a sweet fun way I can’t explain. Daily exercise is a very simple but a very effective discipline. I envy people who exercise early in the morning as your energy levels are much better for the rest of the day and it’s good for health. Speaking of good morning habits…please make sure you do not deprive yourself sleep. Sleep indeed affects our judgment and our self awareness. I notice that the days I don’t sleep enough-the more non-essential things ends up clipping into my life. For instance the days I have had to catch very early flights or when our princess was much younger and I had to be up all night when she was unwell, during the day to stay awake and sane I had to drink extra cups of caffeine products to function during the day…which is quite no healthy!
- Watch a thought leader on Youtube daily or daily if possible– or if you are like me listen to awesome music that makes your heart pump the right happy vibrations out if you know what i mean. A lot of my friends and gurus recommend reading every day to learn. I like reading, but I tend to learn better through audio visuals. So every morning when I get into the car the first 20 minutes of my drive I do my “quiet time”(QT) and prayers aloud as I drive (yes yes weird i know and of course with eyes open)then the next 10 minutes I turn on my Audio bible on my phone and listen to it for God’s wisdom first before the day’s noise kicks in (even before i get into the many what’s app messages or emails )which keeps me sane as the wisest man on earth King Solomon wrote in Proverbs 1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom but the fools despise wisdom and instructions.” Then the remaining time of my morning drive on a good day, I intentionally listen to a thought leader (or at least watch if there are traffic jams) discussing their life lessons and insights on Youtube on different topics –especially motivational thought provoking inspirational short videos. I find it to be a great way to supplement my learning as you recall “student for life by choice” is my second name. Learning is intentional for me and never ends. It will only end when I exit the earth but am sure in heaven the angels too will show us a few loops of how to shine our shine up there (wink wink)
So my friends, please quite fitting in and simply shine your God-given natural shine. I am also very intentional about never allowing any rejection, criticism, fears, negativity & disquietude cloud my soul to successfully survive all the storms with my “can-do” belief, with my optimism, wit and grit. I know there has been many recent heated debates on what’s the difference is between essentialism and minimalism but for me I look at minimalism as getting rid of stuff that clutter your head, mind, cut your fad which stresses you out, while essentialism is more about living with as little as possible. Please keep in mind that people look at the two differently and there’s not really any wrong or right answer so do you and never focus so much on the words or their definitions, but rather what you actually want to do to get the best version of the real you. Make your own choices. Always allow your thoughts, your natural flowing goodness and your deeds continue to encourage, inspire others, empower everyone around you to also experience if not taste lots of unconditional love, hope, peace, abundance of joy that overflows in your world. Those of you who have been privileged to be around me and especially my family, my close buddies and work colleagues always say that “there is never a dull moment with MWK” and as you all know by now my passion and my enthusiasm about life itself is obviously undeniably contagious! You cannot hold me down. I urge us all to unapologetically let your colors, your majestic magic and your light continue to stream into this world that is so increasingly becoming isolated and rather cruel. Let your brightest joys illuminate your path today and let your journey bring you closer to your cherished aspirations. Never think of yourself like a crescent moon, waiting for someone else to fill up the missing part of your full moon! Heck No! When you stand alone like a full moon, already complete in yourself, you will meet other people who are whole and complete just like you are and between you two, a healthy relationship will not only grow but it will illuminate other dull people along the way (funny enough i see this concept backfire especially when people are dating and someone eventually gets hurt for trying to fit in or even worse dimming your light to be loved or liked by a potential dating partner). Never try to settle for less or fit yourselves to others’ set standards just to make your crescent moon full. Instead, be more like two full moons shining brighter. What this does is that you end up respecting each other’s unique individuality more that comes with your own individual special light and different interests while creating a relationship in which each of you shines brightly on the other making life more exciting. So my friends love deeply, be successful, blessed, stay safe most importantly keep shining your light bright like a Diamond.
Fearless Leadership 